President Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador announced today that Mexico is willing to pay for the border wall separating the United States and Mexico. President Obrador did stipulate that the deal is only good if President Donald J. Trump resigns upon completion of the structure. He vowed that every man woman and child in Mexico would cease whatever they were doing and begin construction on the wall inmediatamente if President Trump accepts his offer.
If President Trump does accept the offer President Obrador says construction on the wall will begin at 8:00 am central standard time the very next day. He said it would be completed by 9:30 pm mountain standard time that same night, followed by a ribbon cutting ceremony at 10:00 am pacific standard time two days later.
When asked why the change of heart about paying for the wall, President Obrador cited a recent Gallup pole that shows 16% of Americans are thinking of fleeing America in search of a better life. He said, “We are already starting to see it happen. Americans are coming across our border at an alarming rate. If only 8% of the people planning to flee the tyranny in America wind up coming to Mexico, that would be 26 million American refugees. A wall only makes sense.”
Juan Martinez, Mexico’s Secretary of Agriculture and Small Fence Building talked about the project in specific terms. In a statement he said, “The “wall”, will be a four foot tall structure and consist of white pickets to be spaced no more than 7.24 centimeters apart. A gate with a latch will be placed every 500 feet unless encumbered by nature. A hybrid Zoysia grass will be planted the entire distance of the border extending at least 100 feet on both sides of the white picket “wall” which will be located on Mexico’s side of the Rio Grande.
Secretary Martinez also said that President Obrador reached out to French President Emmanuel Macron requesting his own statue of Liberty. Obrador wants a 300 foot tall Speedy Gonzalez holding the torch of liberty with the following words carved in stone……..
“Give me your energetic, your prosperous, your sprawling masses yearning to be Trump-Free. The marvelous gems of your teeming shore! Send these the well-provided for, The Trumpian-Tossed to me. I lift my fleshlight beside the Jose Cuervo!”
We asked President Obrador if he did or if he did not want Americans immigrating to Mexico and he admitted that he didn’t mind. He said Americans are willing to do jobs that many Mexicans will not do. Like Personal Injury Lawyers, Lobbyists, Customer Service Representatives, and Guidance Counselors.
Grim News Reaper went to the border to investigate American refugees illegally crossing into Mexico. We found Marcy and Phil from Baltimore just two miles from the border where their Toyota Prius ran out of electricity. We asked why they were fleeing to Mexico and Phil summed it up best, “Tequila, poncho’s and taco’s baby!”