In a move that has young white males everywhere smiling, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez announced today that she intends to make her first legislative act in Congress the passing of a bill designed specifically to give “benefits” to incels. The incel movement applauded the announcement. Incel (an online subculture who define themselves as unable to find a romantic or sexual relationship despite desiring one) is short for involuntarily celibate. When AOC heard about this atrocity, she vowed that she would not rest until every man in America had an equal opportunity at getting a piece of ass.
Critics of the bill argue that this is just another form of wealth distribution. Supporters say this is consistent with the Progressive movement’s agenda of ensuring all Americans are equally provided for when it comes to income, healthcare, affordable housing, high quality meats and cheeses, cell phone usage and yes, getting laid.
The bill will require every American woman to register with the newly developed Pussy Redistribution Agency (PRA). Once registered women will be required to serve Pussy Duty, similar to Jury Duty. A notification will be delivered by the United States Postal Service postmarked at least 14 days prior to being summoned to serve. Women who wish to purchase a sex doll for an incel will be excused from Pussy Duty once receipt of said purchase has been received by the PRA.
It is being reported that Hilton International will partner with the PRA and provide the locations where this law will be enforced. The company will potentially make $100 million a year on the deal.
Paris Hilton who volunteered to be the first to register with the PRA said, “I’m so glad that someone finally had the balls to socialize sex.”
Once summoned, women serving Pussy Duty will be required to report to a local Hilton property no more than 20 miles from their home. After they arrive, they will be required to tell the incel the following, “You are good enough, you are smart enough and doggone it people like you”.
Next, they shall engage in sexual congress with the incel for up to one hour. If the incel is unable to achieve an erection during the one-hour period the incel will be entitled to a full examination by a qualified penis doctor. The Presiding Pussy Provider (PPP) would be dismissed from duty at that time.
If an erection was achieved and congress was completed the PPP would be required to comfort the incel for an additional period of no more than one hour. This would not be required if the incel asks for the PPP’s immediate departure, at which point service shall be complete. Upon exiting the room $20 shall be placed on the night stand so the incel can catch an uber, as well the phrase, “That was so awesome!” must be said at some point prior to leaving.
AOC spoke to a crowd outside of an Adam and Eve store in Rochester New York on Friday in an effort to rally support for her bill. “Maybe if we just fuck some of these uptight white assholes they will chill out, so what da ya say gals, you wanna get on board, wink, wink”
She then broke out in dance.
“Socialism sucks!” One protester responded.
“It will if I have anything to do with it.” AOC shot back while clapping her hands.
The crowd was a mixed bag with many AOC supporters confused as to what the fuck was going on. With only Paris Hilton backing her, AOC found herself being booed when she suggested that if women didn’t want to fuck the incel, perhaps they would at least consider giving them a blowjob.
Later that day we asked AOC how could she do this to women? As well we asked her if she thought this would set back the MeToo movement? She responded, “Sometimes in life you must take something from someone else and then give it to another someone else. Only then can you really get what you want in this world.”
With many members of the House and Senate rumored to be incels it is predicted that the bill will pass into law when the Congress reconvenes in February. President Trump said he would sign the bill into law if it comes across his desk.