Judge Judy next Supreme Court Justice?!

Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy’s resignation last week creates an opportunity for President Donald Trump to shape the United States Supreme Court for years to come. So, it was somewhat surprising to find out today that President Trump plans to announce next Monday that Judge Judy, who will turn 76 in October of this year, will be taking Justice Kennedy’s place on the court.

The President said Judge Judy has maintained consistent ratings for CBS for more than twenty five years. He believes that her ability to entertain his base supporters is exactly what the country needs. He also stated that Judge Judy’s extensive background in Family Law will help with potential immigration cases that come before the court stemming from separating children from parents who illegally cross the border. However, he was most impressed with Judge Judy’s three Emmys.

He said, “Anybody that wins an Emmy is clearly qualified, the fact the Judge Judy as won three Emmys speaks for itself.”

When asked if the President thought Judge Judy would vote to overturn Roe vs. Wade the President said, “I don’t ask questions when I’m interviewing a potential court appointee, I do a lot of talking. If I’m talking and someone is nodding their head, then I know they get it. I know they are qualified.”

A White House source said that President Trump had been leaning towards picking a strong young conservative female candidate for the position before inevitably picking Judge Judy. That candidate was to be Judge Amy Coney Barrett. Even though Judge Coney Barrett passed the head shaking test, the source said the President changed his mind after finding out that Judge Coney Barrett had not dropped her maiden name upon marrying Jesse M. Barrett.

The President said, “I want a strong independent woman, but not dropping her maiden name and fulling embracing the superior role her husband plays in their relationship is a red flag that I cannot ignore.”

Democrats are pleased with the President’s choice. Mainly because many Democrats were rumored to be put off by Judge Coney Barrett having seven children. Democratic strategist Martha Abigail said, “I don’t agree with many of Trumps decisions. But, I’m glad that in this case he recognized that Judge Judy is more qualified than a Catholic.”

Martha went on to say, “Climate change is real. The fact that Judge Coney Barrett did not voluntarily restrict the number of children she had is wrong. Those children are making a negative footprint on an already over stressed Earth. That is reason enough to disqualify her from the high court!”

Republican strategist Eugene Woodrow pointed out to Martha that Judge Coney Barrett’s children simply offset the number of abortions Martha had in college. CNN has suspended Mr. Woodrow for two weeks without pay for making the comment. Martha visibly shaken at the time of Mr. Woodrow’s comments has upped her Xanax dosage and vowed to remain on the air.

Judge Judy said she had hoped to retire soon herself but was honored to be considered. She said if she was called upon by the President and confirmed by the Senate she would be more than happy to ridicule all who appear before the high court.