Proving once again that white people will do anything for their children a recent study found that a high percentage of white people are moving to impoverished neighborhoods to help improve their child’s adversity score. The College Board which administers the SAT college entrance exam has recently added an Adversity Score to the testing process. This score will be determined by the level of privilege one has. The scoring will be based on a scale of 1 to 100. A score of 50 is average, anything over 50 equals a hardship, anything under 50 equals a level of privilege. The higher the score the better chance you have of getting into college.
If you are white, live in a good neighborhood and attend a good school you get a fucking zero. If you are a minority, live in a shitty neighborhood, your mother is single and there is a good chance that you could get shot on the way home from school, welcome to Harvard. Bonus points if you are being molested by your stepfather.
In response, white people, being the crafty bastards that they are, have already started to cash in on the process. We spoke with Melissa Johnson of Buford, Georgia and she said she was moving her 4 kids to the city of Atlanta. When we asked why, she responded, “It’s the worst school district in the state, I think it will give my kids the best chance to get into the University of Georgia, maybe even Georgia Tech.” She added, “Not only is it a shitty school district, the crime rate is off the charts!” Her and her husband are also planning to get DNA testing done because, as she put it, “I’ve been told that I am white, but it’s not like I have ever been tested or anything.”
Other previously believed to be white people around the country are making similar moves. Jessica Jones of Surprise Arizona left her husband of 16 years and moved her and their three children in with a black co-worker, Winston Jefferson of Phoenix. Jessica said, “I know all the school districts in Arizona suck, but Phoenix! That’s one fucked up school district. My kids should be able to get into any school in the country after all the shit I plan on putting them through.” She later left Winston when she found out that his mother was white. She said, “A half black step daddy aint gonna get my kids the Adversity points they need, I’m sorry but Winston just aint black enough for this sister.”
Real Estate Tycoon Warren Buffet said that the first phase of white retreat has seen enormous increases in bank savings as the average real estate equity grab when someone moves from a $400,000.00 house to the projects is quite substantial. Some financial experts are predicting a housing bubble 10 times worse than 2008.
White people aren’t the only ones to suffer. This new SAT scoring system is also affecting minorities. Jose Rodriguez of New York, New York said, “It use to be good enough to be Latino, but now you need to be Latino and gay. I’m not sure what kind of test they have for gay Latinos, but hey, I’m willing to try anything if it means getting into NYU!”